No sunlight.

You remember when you were kids and you were completely oblivious to everything.
You had friends that were boys.
you would fall off the swings and your knee would bleed and mum ould go get you a bandaid and kiss it better and everything was okay.
We believed we were safe. As long as we had that hug from mum of dad that made everything better.
They arent always going to be there to give you that, but other people might.
brothers and sisters and boyfriends and girlfriends.
we dont believe in santa, or the easter bunny but we still believe we are safe. the most common misconception in the world.
We are not safe.
Not with what the world has come to.
Ever feel like the sunlight has drained from your life.
Like when you see a funeral scene in a movie, its always dark and dreary, and sad.
And in the winter, sometimes you just feel dull and flat for no reason at all.
sometimes, people feel like this alot.
People who suffer from depression.
Like myself.
But im trying.
I've stopped taking my pills, i dont want to have to rely on them for the rest of my life.
I've stopped endulging in inpure thoughts of different ways of killing myself.

but you know what things get better.
You find people, and sometimes, people find you.
people who make you happy.
and yeah no body is perfect. these people are going to make you annoyed, and angry and pissed off sometimes, but no matter what, they will always be there, because you mean something to them.
And whenever im sad and think im worthless and shouldnt be alive, i think, hey, i was the quickest sperm. i deserve life.
But its what i make of it that counts.

When I was young
Lying in the grass
I felt so safe
In a warming bath
Of sunlight
Of sunlight

Vast open sky
Could do no harm
Like an embrace
From mother's arms
In sunlight

With every year
That came to pass
More clouds appeared
'til the sky went black
And there was no sunlight
Anymore

It disappeared at the same speed
As the idealistic things I believed
The optimist died inside of me

things get better clare.
Promise.

meet me.

Meet me on the Equinox
Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it's highest peek
In the middle of the day

Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Or darling understand

That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything ends

Meet me on your best behavior
Meet me at your worst
For there will be no stone unturned
Or bubble left to burst

Let me lay beside you, Darling
Let me be your man
And let our bodies intertwine
But always understand

That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything ends
That everything, everything, everything ends

A window
An opened tomb
The sun crawls
Across your bedroom
A halo
A waiting room
Your last breaths
Moving through you

As everything, everything ends
As everything, everything ends
As everything, everything, everything
Everything, everything, everything ends

Meet me on the Equinox
Meet me half way
When the sun is perched at it's highest peek
In the middle of the day

Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Or darling understand

That everything, everything ends


Everything, absolutely everything ends. Except for true love.
Because true love comes from your soul. Your sould mate is connect to you always.
They will always be there. Forever and eternity.
My hand will be holding hands with your heart always christopher.
(●̮•̃) (●̮̃•̃)
/█\ ♥ /█\

Nicholas Owen

Nicholas Owen.
You have never heard of him.
Nor will you probably ever hear of him.
Except in this.
Nicholas Owen.
Is my hero.
I look up to him so so so much.
And i wish all of you had the chance to know him.
Nicholas Owen saved more lives, then we lost in black saturday.
And he was only 2 weeks old when he died.
He is more super Hero then spiderman, batman or superman put together.
Nicholas Owen, Is my Brother.
He was born with a brain aneurysm 21 years ago and died on the 7th of september.
But in his death, he has saved around a few thousand children, born every year with brain aneurysms.
He saved these people because doctors and surgeons had never operated on someone so small, and he was even smaller then the average baby because he was Mark's twin.
Although he died on the operating table, doctors finally figured out how to fix the aneurysms in small children, and learnt from Nick's experience.
I wish there were more people like him in the world.
More people who actually made a difference.
And especially more people that don't expect anything in return.
Nick was 2 weeks old when he died.
Can anyone honestly say that in 2 weeks, they have saved one life, let alone thousands?

He is missed. i think for me, its mainly Just the fact that i dont know who he would have became.
what would have he been into?
What kind of music would he have liked?
If he'd have a girlfriend?
What colour eyes would he have, green like my brothers or blue like mine?

I was mainly thinking about this because its fathers day today and i saw a post on facebook from this girl who lost her dad.
and i feel deep sorrow for anyone who has lost a family member, especially someone so important to a childs upbringing like a father, or a mother.
Nicholas will never get to become a dad.
Please help me keep his memory strong.
7th of september - Nicholas Owen day

you make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
Of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone,
Somehow you come along just like
A flower pokin' through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

listen

I should listen to you.
I should let you go.
i Should at least try to get you out of my mind.
out of my nightmares.
i should have told you first.
i should have listened.
you did wrong. i did worse.
im a bad person and i know it.
i don't deserve what i have and i know it.
do you?
do you deserve everything you have?
have you earnt it?
have you tried to change yourself.
Things happen and they change us.
when i found out ive had depression for almost half of my life..
i didnt feel strong like the doctor told me.
she said i was strong enough to have lived with it for that long.
im not strong.
Ive tried to kill myself.
im not a strong person
im a horrible person.
im horrible and i know it.
and you know it too.

i dont know what to do
i want to be your friend
i want to start anew
but i know i shouldnt
because ill do something i regret
youll hurt me
just like everyone else has ever hurt me
anyone ive let into my life without caution.
why do you continue to haunt me
stalk me
make fun of me behind my back.
i dont understand.
you should listen to this
i know youve been watching my blog very closely.
please get the right message and nopt interpret what im saying wrongly.
please help me

sorry again?

you always think youre right
You always think you're better then everyone else.
You always think you're more mature
You always think you deserve better
You always get things you don't deserve
You always get everything
You always get told your pretty
You always get things I don't get
You always get told your amazing
You always get told you're incredible
You always take everything You have for granted.
You always get your own way
You always get to do things
You always skip school
You always get in trouble
You always get rewarded
You always talk about me behind my back
You always pretend
You're always fake
You never say what you mean
You never mean what you say,
Why do people still think you're god?
You're always jealous? Why caN't you accept YOU?????
I dislike your fakeness.
I dislike what you make other people do..
You always manipulate.

The Secret Adventure Files Of a Dinosaur(33rd Edition) : Bad

Bad things do happen.
It's Reality.
It's Life.
For me, I feel as if my whole life is just bad things.
Some people may say that im just having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month.. but this has been going on a while.
I can fix it.